I’ve been slow to write recently. I know that all writers must experience this, and the truth is that I’ve been slow before… just not this slow. Why is this happening? Simplest way for me to put it to words is that my mind has been other places.
Where are My Thoughts?
My mother, my job, my garden, my plans amidst COVID-19, life in general. Everything fills my mind right now, trying to focus isn’t easy. What I write now happens only by connecting my heart to my fingers and ignoring the mind that keeps interrupting the flow.
My Mother…
My mother is getting worse. She ate today, after refusing food for the last three days. Her need for instruction on the simplest of undertakings is only increasing. Occasionally she is able to do some things on her own but such events are very intermittent now. She is vocalizing her desire to no longer be here much more often now and openly expressing her shame and embarrassment at not being able to get through the activities of daily life without my help.
My Job…
So, I have a very demanding role in my company. I directly support over a hundred team members technical needs including hardware, software and general guidance. I support a cloud-based software environment conforming to several high level governmental compliance standards, and now I’ve been handed a new role I’m expected to do at the same time. The person who filled this role previously was logging 30 to 35 hours each week on this task, now I get to work that into my current schedule of 40 to 50 hours per week… and somehow fit 80 to 90 hours of work into a 50 hour work week. Yeah, I’m frazzled there.
My Garden…
My garden isn’t impatient, but it relies on me being proactive in order to allow it to succeed in any degree. I’ve placed my order at the nursery, and they’ll hang on to my new babies until mid-May when the weather isn’t dropping below freezing on a regular basis. Still, I have ground to prepare, deer fencing to raise and new raised beds to build this season. Guess I’ll do that in my spare time.
COVID-19…
As if any of us needed this crap… Now we are stuck at home, unable to spend time with those who bring us joy that aren’t already part of our own household. We can’t feel good about just going to hang out at the nursery for a while, or the local home improvement stores for a bit of looking, browsing, and unnecessary spending. And I’m one of the lucky ones… one who’s biggest concerns are the risk and inconvenience of this situation – yet I’m one whose life hasn’t been brutally impacted by this new threat to all that we hold dear.
Life in General…
Ok, this is really just my summary of all of the above. Could I think of other things to complain about? Sure, I could. But the list above touches on all the heavy hitters. Right now, the world is pressing in, everything feels heavy and just a little too much for me to accept easily.
My responsibilities feel heavy. My job is weighing me down. My personal goals feel almost unreachable, and I miss spending time with my girlfriend. It’s hard for me to find the space in my mind to create words that let me feel like I’m delivering a positive message to those who read what I write.
And so…
And so, I guess this is “writer’s block.” I’m normally able to write when I sit down to do so, but today, this is all that would come out. I truly envy not only the dedication of some of my favorite authors, but also their ability to continue to write and produce content that I want to read through all that the world hands us. I’m sure that even some of the most prolific of writers experience times when writing isn’t easy… in fact, I know they do. But they’re my heroes, and the most I see of what they experience is the an extended wait for the next installment of a favorite series.
I have many ideas on my list of topics that I need to write about… but I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. Hopefully, the next time I put my fingers to the keyboard, I will feel only inspiration and a desire to write. Stay safe and stay healthy, gentle reader.
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