An ineffective memory may be one of my most frustrating outcomes from my brain injury. My memory has improved over this last year, but it’s still far from where it once was. I’m starting to learn the value of not taking memories for granted, but as something I need to intentionally strengthen and periodically refresh. This is especially important in regard to our family and loved ones, where our lack of memory can feel as if perhaps what we shared wasn’t as important to us as it was to them.
Long Term Memory…
This can be one of the most disappointing areas for my fiancé, Marcie, when she talks about something that we experienced together that had special meaning for her, and I can’t remember it. Sometimes I can find small pieces of it, sometimes just a big blur, and sometimes nothing at all. I’m starting to find ways to change this; things that I need to be diligent about not just because of the negative impact of me forgetting things, but for the positive impact of when I do remember – for both of us.
(And yes, for my regular readers, Marcie is no longer my “girlfriend” – she’s now officially my fiancé, and we both couldn’t be happier.)
Pictures – In the Moment and Beyond
Most of us carry a cell phone these days that doubles as a camera and I’ve recently learned the value of not only taking pictures but reviewing, resharing, and talking about them. Yesterday, I opened my phone’s picture gallery to delete a screen capture I had taken to share the weather forecast of snow for tomorrow with Marcie. As I was in my picture gallery, I did a quick swipe to view more of my pictures and found myself lost in browsing through memories that I found had faded but were suddenly brought to the forefront of my mind. I was looking at pictures taken last month during our stay at Isaac Walton Inn, many pictures from Glacier National Park, and more from all along our trip there and back home again.
Without this refresher, I may have totally forgotten the amazingly delicious apple huckleberry cobbler dessert I had there – yet looking at the picture, I could almost taste the warm cobbler, the cold huckleberry ice cream, and cool whipped cream on top. I could remember the lightly crunchy texture of the fresh baked cobbler crust, the firm texture of the apples, and the delightfully creamy texture of the homemade ice cream. But here it was, an impossibly vivid memory filling my mind and my senses.
Even with all of this, I couldn’t remember what Marcie had for dessert. But when I shared that picture with her, I asked her. “Chocolate lava cake topped with ice cream”, she told me… and suddenly I remembered. I could remember how it looked, how it smelled, and I could remember the rich and dark chocolate taste, smooth texture, and the way that it just filled the senses. Here’s the funny part, though I could remember all this, I couldn’t remember if I’d actually tasted it or if this were a fictitious memory – so I asked her. And yes, the memory is real.
I was then inspired to browse even more over the next couple of days, sharing select pictures with Marcie and experiencing the memories that the pictures seemed to bring to life. We live in the Pacific Northwest, so there are many natural wonders about. We both have demanding schedules, so we try to make time as often as possible to share time away together. This experience has pointed out the value of taking meaningful pictures, organizing them in albums so they’re easy to find, and going back to look at them every so often. And let’s not forget the value of printing and displaying pictures of important moments around our house.
The 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 Method
I’m listening to a book by Jay Shetty that I highly recommend for everyone, it’s called “Think Like a Monk.” In the book, Jay describes an anti-anxiety coping tool called the 5-4-3-2-1 technique – but he describes it in the context of intentionally creating strong memories we can then visualize more clearly in the future.
How this works is to quiet the mind with a few slow and calming breaths, once your mind is quiet, you intentionally notice some details. I try to notice the things that are most relevant and unique about the moment that I want to fully commit to memory. Here’s the process:
5 – Notice five things you can see. Look at them each for a moment, see the colors, the shapes, and textures.
4 – Find four things you can touch. Feel the coolness or warmth. Feel the textures; are they rough or smooth, are they soft or firm? I find it helps if I close my eyes and focus fully on what my sense of touch is telling me.
3 – Acknowledge three things you can hear. If you’re outside, perhaps the wind, the sound of the water, birds singing, or even the sound of your footsteps. In a building it might be the sound of people talking, the HVAC system, or the sounds of a keyboard in a nearby office space. Again, closing your eyes for a moment can sharpen your senses in this area.
2 – Identify two things you can smell. If you’re enjoying a meal or a beverage this is an easy one, but there’s always something we can find. While outside, smells are all around us. If you are in your office space you pick up a pencil and smell the wood it’s made of and the rubber eraser on the end. Whatever it is, try to get in touch with it, to smell it clearly, commit it to memory.
1 – Finally, notice one thing you can taste. If you’re not eating, drinking, or chewing gum, what does the inside of your mouth taste like? Can you still taste the coffee you had earlier this morning?
With each of these steps, find the details that you feel make this moment unique, and set your intention to commit them to memory as you focus on them and fully experience them in that moment. I’ve only just started practicing this technique, but I can tell you that it does make a difference for me so far. I’m looking forward to actively and intentionally making my most important memories more vivid, more durable, and more accessible.
In Closing
Memories are so important, and for those of us struggling with the long-term impacts of a brain injury, they can be just out of reach all too often. Here, I identify a couple of tools I’ve found for preserving memories and making them more accessible, and they’re making a difference in my life.
Please share in the comments section any things you’ve found that work well for you. We’re all in this together, and we all have something to share that may help others who are experiencing the same challenges.
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