Life gets crazy sometimes, doesn’t it? And this time around, it’s been a little crazy for me since, oh, maybe last November? First, there was the Thanksgiving holiday, which was our first time having an absolute houseful of family. So noisy, so much going on… but I survived it. Then came all the preparation for Christmas, the shopping, the decorations, all the planning, and finally the big day arrived. Things at work were exceptionally demanding through December and into the new year, suddenly requiring me to put in some fifty-hour weeks just to keep my head above water.
In January was Marcie’s first surgery of 2022. It was a major surgery that left her needing a lot of personal care when she returned home. So, in addition to long workdays, now I was doing all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry, and helping my wife to be more comfortable through her recovery. She was through her initial two-week recovery period, but still not at a hundred percent yet when our first wedding anniversary came along. In consideration of all that was happening, I dubbed it our anniversary week, and tried my best to make her feel exceptionally well-cared for the whole time. Then came her second surgery, a lot less invasive than the first one, but it still left her needing extra care at home. And all of this was while putting in long hours at work to support two high profile projects.
Needless to say, I’ve been feeling a little rough around the edges and overall, rather worn-out. It’s in times like this that I feel especially grateful for my mornings.
My Mornings
I have what Marcie sees as a rather peculiar sleeping behavior. It seems that no matter what time I go to bed, I consistently wake between 4:30 and 5:00am. If I stay in bed after waking, I may occasionally doze off for short periods, but I rarely go completely back to sleep. To compensate and allow me to get enough sleep, a long time back I adjusted my bedtime to 8:00pm.
Marcie has trouble falling asleep if she goes to bed early, so she’ll typically stay up and watch some TV. She’s lucky enough to be able to sleep in until 7:00am or so, and this scheduling works well for her. This little offset in our schedules means that I get a couple of hours each morning of simple “me time.”
In the mornings, it’s just me and the cats awake; and when they realize their mom isn’t up, they just go back to sleep. The mornings are so quiet, just peace and quiet. I don’t have to be concerned about work requirements yet, and the only things on my agenda are morning espresso and meditation. Sometimes, I’ll listen to a guided meditation on my Insight Timer app and sometimes I meditate in silence.
After meditation, I’ll typically do some writing. With a quiet house, I’m able to stay focused and productive in my efforts. Once Marcie gets up, the cats greet her while I prepare coffee for her and espresso for me. Then, in a very relaxed state of mind, I join her by the fire to welcome the day ahead.
Short Breaks Matter
Starting each day with some me time makes such a difference in my days. Still, in this new work-from-home world, it can be hard to break away when there always seems to be an urgent requirement demanding my attention. Over these last two years of my office being right on the other side of the wall from our living room, I’ve had to refine my approach to work.
I learned a long time back on my TBI recovery road that taking even short breaks in times of stress or over-stimulation is particularly important. We have a bistro set on our front porch where, weather permitting, we sit and enjoy coffee or even some wine, if it’s later in the day. This is a perfect place for me to decompress when things are getting difficult to manage. Sometimes I’ll just go bask in the quiet, sometimes I’ll enjoy a short meditation, and depending on the time of day, I may simply indulge myself with a nice glass of wine.
I’ve also learned that a midday walk can relax and energize me for the afternoon. Most days I’m able to take a long enough break around noon to do my regular two and a quarter mile walk. It takes me about 45 minutes at my relaxed pace, because while it may be good for me physically, I walk mostly for its mental and emotional benefits. Sometimes I’ll plug in my ear buds and listen to an audiobook along the way, and other times I’ll just soak up the quiet as I walk. Either way, when I return, I’m always feeling much better about things.
Hobbies
Hobbies are another important activity that helps us find peace in our lives. I enjoy painting, but my shop was converted to storage space during the combining of two households into a single house; until I’m able to clear some of that space, I don’t have anywhere to set up a studio space. As the weather begins to warm, I’ll jump on that project, which will also restore access to the woodworking tools in my shop. I’m trying to be more proactive about playing my guitar for a little while each day, but sometimes that just doesn’t happen.
I also look forward to the activities of summer, and yes, even the yard maintenance. This is such Zen time for me. I have all battery powered tools, even our riding lawnmower, so tasks like mowing and trimming are all reasonably quiet and relaxing. We have about an acre of lawn on this property, so mowing is about an hour of relaxation. I do, however, have to share here that my wife has found she loves this activity, so I don’t get to mow anymore – but I do still get to do all the trimming and such.
A Few Closing Thoughts
I did a quick Google search for “me time” and it shows this, sourced from Oxford Languages: “time spent relaxing on one’s own as opposed to working or doing things for others, seen as an opportunity to reduce stress or restore energy.”
My own definition of “me time” is any quiet time that I’m able to simply focus on a particularly engaging activity, or just enjoy the quiet and let my mind rest. Both are very relaxing and good for my mental health. Always try to find opportunities for your own “me time” in each day. While it’s important for everyone, it’s essential for someone recovering from a brain injury and even more so for caregivers.
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