My TBI – How it happened…
Just under three years ago, I was exercising my right to ride my Harley-Davidson with no helmet when the unthinkable happened. I have absolutely no memory of the event, but it happened at an intersection that I used daily – sometimes several times in a day. At the time of the accident there was no traffic camera, so there is no way to be certain of what actually happened. The net result was that someone drove up, saw me lying in the intersection and called 911. The people who found me thought I was already dead; once the police arrived they called for an ambulance.
As I said, I have zero memory of any of this, so all that I share comes from the information provided to my family and my girlfriend, Marcie, as told to them by the police and medical teams. The event occurred less than a mile from the hospital, so the ride was short. Once my family and Marcie arrived at the hospital, they were told that I was found to be brain dead, and that I wouldn’t survive if taken off of life support. They were told that I would be kept on life support for up to 24 hours to see if there were any changes, but that chances of my survival were minimal.
After about three and a half hours, changes did happen. I regained consciousness long enough to move my hand in what the medical team interpreted as an attempt to remove my breathing tubes. Most importantly, it established that there was again brain activity. I then dropped into a comatose state, so they moved me to the ICU but the prognosis still wasn’t positive. I learned from the surgeon who did my facial surgery that he was told that my chances of survival were minimal, so coming in was optional. He did come in, and by the time he arrived, I had regained consciousness to the surprise of all.
I’ll share many tales in my blog posts about the discovery process for learning just how much my life has changed, let’s start with just the top level bits for now.
Memory…
My memory, or lack thereof, is the biggest challenge I deal with. My estimate is that 90% or more of my long term memory is gone – I remember so very little about anything before the TBI. I remember a handful of highly emotional events from my childhood, and a scattering of events from my adulthood. I remember the most significant people from before the TBI – my mother, my son, my girlfriend, and a few others. Other than a small selection of the people I have worked with over the last 15 years, I had to relearn names and redefine relationships with everyone.
The dysfunctional nature of my short term and working memory has made keeping my job a special challenge. I serve as a Senior Business Analyst in a global organization, and forgetting things simply isn’t an option. My local team has some understanding of my memory challenges and demonstrates what, to me, is an amazing level of tolerance and patience. I do have some helpful tools and techniques that I was taught in my occupational therapy sessions that have probably made the difference for me being able to keep my job.
Physical Challenges…
My balance while standing or walking became a special challenge. While an area of numbness in my left foot may have something to do with this, the physical therapist team at the TBI clinic explained to me that my visual processing had been impacted by the injury. A lot of therapy and practice allowed me to finally set aside the trekking pole that I used to steady my gait, which my co-workers often called my “cane”.
My right hand was injured in the wreck, so bones were pinned together and I wore a brace for a while. The result here was that I am now fairly ambidextrous, although I tend to gravitate towards my left hand for many tasks. I was told this is likely related to the way that my brain built new pathways after the injury.
Other Outcomes
Another of my biggest challenges was post TBI brain fatigue, and while it is still an issue now, it doesn’t currently impact me to the same degree it did early on. I credit my improvements to both the therapy I went through and my daily meditation practice.
The only serious subsequent medical complication was two TIA (Transient Ischemic Attack)
events, also called a mini-stroke. One of these left me with double vision for a period of time, the second one happened about a year later and caused a loss of about 25% of my field of vision for a short time.
Other major changes include my inability to read well now or to perform simple math mentally, and true difficulty in completing tasks and projects. These are all likely related to the inability to maintain a specific train of thought for more than a few moments without my thoughts being derailed and losing track of where I was and what I was even thinking about.
Both family and personal relationships were impacted in several ways. Initially it was more of a detachment from everyone and everything. Once I started trying to repair the damage I had caused, I was given a clear understanding that not remembering today about plans you made yesterday with your girlfriend can result in hurt feelings, even when she understands why it happened.
In a Nutshell.
Life has changed for me on every level, from how I think to how I talk, from how I walk to how I eat, sleep and how I dress, from things that have become easy to things that are difficult or even impossible now. Relationships – some saved and some lost, but every one forever changed. My professional life hangs in the balance of how I compensate for an extremely dysfunctional memory, inability to focus and emotions that are all to often at the very edge.
Without the therapy I received, the resources and tools I’ve been introduced to, and most importantly, the support of a small family circle and one very special woman who continues to love me through it all… not sure where I’d be by now.
I want to share my experiences and what I’ve learned with those of you who have read this far, because you are also looking for tools and resources. If anything you or I write here helps even one person, then our time here is well spent.