Let’s start by saying that I went through some big changes as my brain rewired after my injury. I’m not much of a toucher now. I rarely instigate a hug. Holding hands while walking with my girlfriend means that she grabbed my hand before I could stick it in my pocket. It seems that I almost never initiate casual physical contact these days.
What Happened
I’m still new to this path walked by family caregivers everywhere, and I’m starting to understand that paying attention to the little things is so very important – every step of the way. Not so long ago, a reaction from my mother caught my attention in a major way.
As I was wishing my mother goodnight, I put my hand lightly on her shoulder, which is completely out of character for me these days. The result was quite unexpected. She grasped my hand with both of her hands, made sustained eye contact, told me she loves me and held my hand in her own hands for several moments before finally letting go.
What I learned
I have learned, even if my brain has healed in a way that makes it different for me, that touch is still very important to others. I don’t know why it’s different for me now, but I am starting to recognize the value to those I care about in these simple physical connections and I’m trying hard now to change how I interact with my loved ones.
What has changed
My girlfriend is remarkably resilient. She has seen me through this brain injury from the beginning and hasn’t given up on me yet. Things used to be different, I know… but often when she reaches for my hand, I’ll casually slip it into my pocket; she will give me a knowing sideways glance and slip her arm into mine. She’s stronger than I may sometimes give her credit for… still, I know that these things bother her. Over the past few weeks I’ve started taking her hand as we walk. It still feels odd to me, but I know that she enjoys the touch – and even more so when I’m the one to initiate it.
With my mother, I see each day how increasing the frequency of initiating physical contact brings her moments of happiness and a feeling of connection. I’m still not much of a hugger, but when saying good night or leaving the house to run an errand, I am trying to remember to place my hand on her shoulder or take her hand for a moment. Each time I do, it has a strong impact on her.
My Takeaways
My brain injury has changed the way I think and has altered many of my default behaviors, yet the rest of the world is much the same as it was before that fateful day. It’s important for me to remember this, and to be cognizant of the fact that those I care for are impacted by my behavioral changes.
I need to strengthen my situational awareness – to more quickly grasp when I need to push beyond my comfort zone and initiate physical contact. It’s starting… slowly, but I’m getting better at this.
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