My family has seen brain injuries in three generations. Interestingly enough, it’s been in reverse order. First was my son, then me, then my mother. I’ve learned much more than anyone (other than a doctor) should need to know about brain injury, and much of it was learned through personal experience.
My Son…
When my son arrived home from a war zone, he was broken physically, mentally, and emotionally. The explosives that rocked his 30 ton Bradley fighting vehicle left his spine crushed, his brain injured, with his life and dreams forever changed. It was a dark period for him, but I had no idea just how dark it really was because I knew virtually nothing about brain injuries.
I grew up watching people on television get hit on the head, then wake up and everything was just fine other than a sore spot on their heads. Or, more whimsically, in some cases the injured person would forget everything, then get hit again and all that was lost would be magically restored. It’s no wonder that modern civilization is only just beginning to take these injuries seriously.
I believe it must be a minority of people that truly learn and understand the nature of brain injuries without first having been personally impacted – either injured themselves or having someone close to them injured this way. I know this was the case with me.
I researched much, learned some, and tried to help in the way that I thought I could make a difference for my son. He’s back on his feet but doesn’t move as he once did. Still struggles with the long term impacts of what the military classed as an mTBI, but he’s come a long ways towards living a healthy and productive life.
Me…
Then I had my incident – don’t remember a thing about how it happened, but I crashed my motorcycle and my head impacted the asphalt. I was classed as brain dead at the hospital. I was upgraded to coma when I showed signs of brain activity, and finally I woke up to ask where I was and why I was there.
My face is now held together by titanium plates in three places. A few pins here and there hold some important bones together, and I’m still adapting to the changes that a severe traumatic brain injury makes not only to how I think and what I can do, but quite literally, who I am. My girlfriend calls me Rod 2.0 because she says my personality is so radically different than before. From my perspective, I remember little about before the accident, but I’m now ambidextrous and prefer gardening and painting to riding a motorcycle and working on my computer.
This changed my understanding of brain injury, because unlike with helping my son, I was now seeing it from the inside. My girlfriend has always been very supportive and encouraged me to reach beyond my comfort zones, so now I write a blog about my experience and the things I’m learning along the way.
My Mother…
Recently, my journey has taken a new direction – still brain injury, but instead of TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury), now I’m learning about ABI (Acquired Brain Injury). And, I’m learning that an ABI is so very different than a TBI. I’ve taken the role of live-in caregiver for my mother who has dementia – the doctor’s diagnosis was vascular dementia. Vascular dementia causes problems with reasoning, planning, judgment, memory, and other thought processes due to impaired blood flow to key areas of the brain. This can be caused by stroke, obesity, or diabetes; the latter is likely my mother’s issue.
With my TBI, yes, there have been many struggles, but looking at the bigger picture I’ve truly seen only improvement through the last four years. Over the last four years with my mother, I’ve seen only decline. Her problem solving abilities have deteriorated to the point where she needs help with virtually everything. Through it all, I only want her to hold on to the simple facts that she’s safe, cared for, and loved.
In Closing…
For me, brain injury is an ongoing journey of learning and adaptations. My perspectives have changed dramatically. I have more knowledge of the extent and impact of brain injury than anyone should ever have to gain.
Here’s what I can leave you with today. Every journey is unique – I could complain about everything that’s happened to me and to those I love, but I know that there are many who have endured more. Whether your brain injury is severe, moderate or mild, traumatic or acquired, you need to understand that knowledge is your best defense. Nourish your mind and your body, do the things that make a difference for you, and know that above all – self-care is so very important… not only for the injured, but for caregivers as well.
Having a brain injury myself, I can’t imagine also being a caregiver and support for others close to me that are going through drastic brain changes as well. Every journey IS unique and the biggest challenge is how to educate others who can’t see or understand that an individual has an injury. Brain changes are unique to the individual and it takes understanding, empathy, and tenacity to care enough to understand each person’s needs or changes. Thank you for writing this post.
Thank you for reading, and thank you for commenting.
Being a caregiver is a challenge whether or not you have a brain injury; but being a brain injury survivor yourself, you already know that everyday activities of daily life now present now challenges that others may not always understand as well as we’d hope they could.
I’ve seen how brain injury changes others, and I’ve seen how it’s changed me. The best we can do is adapt, feed our bodies and our brains with the right ingredients to facilitate the best healing possible, and fill our toolbox with things that help us get through each day.
I wish you the very best on this challenging road you have found yourself traveling.